Man Seeks Help Removing Ghost Cat From Washing Machine
Flickr: bonniecothran / Creative Commons
Note: not actual ghost cat (probably???).
Last night, on the /nosleep subreddit, user “fuckingghostcat” posted an urgent inquiry entitled “HOW DO YOU GET A FUCKING GHOST CAT OUT OF YOUR FUCKING WASHING MACHINE?? (NOT A JOKE!!!)”
THERE IS A FUCKING CAT HAUNTING MY FUCKING WASHING MACHINE AND I WANT IT TO GTFO.
So anyone have tips on how to do that?? I’ve tried everything I can think of and everything I can find online about how to get rid of ghosts, I’m talking candles and mirrors and weird rituals with herbs I can’t pronounce and crucifixes and other stupid ridiculous shit and NOTHING WORKS and I even went to ask a priest at the church down the block but he just looked at me like I was crazy and I asked the fucking 1-800-PSYCHIC MEDIUM SCAMMER CHICK on the road to work but she said she only deals with humans, and is THAT the problem?
HOW DO YOU EXORCIZE [sic] A CAT?? IS THERE A WAY TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE FELINE UNDEAD???
At this point you might have some questions, like “What?” and also “How…?” Some clarifications:
-HOW DO I KNOW THERE IS A CAT: BECAUSE IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE A CAT WHEN IT CRIES ALL FUCKING NIGHT.
-HOW DO I KNOW IT IS IN THE WASHING MACHINE: BECAUSE IT CRIES ALL FUCKING NIGHT AND WHEN I GET UP TO SEARCH FOR THE SOURCE OF THE SOUND ITS THE GODDAMN WASHING MACHINE. It also cries harder when I wash my clothes.
-HOW DO I KNOW IT IS A GHOST: BECAUSE THERE ARE NO ACTUAL FUCKING CATS IN MY WASHING MACHINE. Or even in my apartment. I asked the neighbors and they don’t have cats either, they can’t hear any cats, cats are not allowed in the building, THERE ARE NO FUCKING ACTUAL CATS.
Don’t bother asking why he can’t just leave. He’s thought of that. It’s not a good option.
-WHY DONT YOU JUST MOVE OUT: because rent is INCREDIBLY CHEAP its 5 minutes from where I work and I’m not going to let some ASSHOLE GHOST CAT chase me out of my apartment, we’re supposed to be the superior fucking species.
True… and fair.
There’s a lot more, such as other methods he’s tried (attempting to record the cat, catch it on camera, having a friend stay over, and replacing the washing machine). None of them have worked. This is a man who needs our (the internet’s) help.
CAN YOU EXORCIZE [sic] A WASHING MACHINE?? THE CRUCIFIXES DIDNT WORK ON IT. ARE WASHING MACHINES CHRISTIAN. ARE CATS EVEN RELIGIOUS. WHY DO WE ASSUME ALL GHOSTS ARE CHRISTIAN AND/OR RELIGIOUS???????
All good questions. Any advice on getting a ghost cat out of a washing machine? Leave it in the comments.
Asking for a redditor.